A First Hand Account Of The Curse Of Responsibility

(Editor's note about the author: T.O. Illustratio is a free lance writer and observer of the interaction of personalities in everyday life. The author seeks to inspire readers to look within themselves to see how much good they can do in this world when a definitive purpose in life is clear.)

Reminiscent of lost youth, my mind acted in the manner of a spinning top. It moved erratically, unable to decide which important task was worthy of being number one on the list for today. This was a familiar feeling as I've lived with the curse of responsibility for my entire adult life.

How often I envied the people who were able to focus solely on their own goals, their own challenges, their own aspirations, oblivious to the plight of those around them.

Today, like every other day for the past three years, I would walk across the street to check on my elderly neighbor. She was in her ninth decade of life. There was no family left for her, no one else available to help her.

She rarely left her house. I went to the store for her. Meals on Wheels stopped in every week day to leave her something to eat, which would serve as both lunch and dinner. Like clockwork, everyday I would have to scour through the piles of magazines and crossword puzzles that she refused to discard, in search of that vital television remote that she always misplaced.

Her days were spent watching the television artist who skillfully taught his viewers how to turn a blank canvass into a beautiful landscape painting with some effortless strokes of a paint brush. In the evening, I would repeat the trek across the road to be sure she ate something and was set for the night.

Shouldering The Curse of Responsibility

The curse of responsibility can be a heavy burden. It's far easier to laser focus on ourselves. It's simpler to take the road to being responsible for ourselves and only ourselves. Giving only to ourselves shields us from the calamity of a frightening world.

I've been asked why I go over there twice a day, everyday? "Isn't it an overwhelming burden? Why should you bother? There will be no reward for you."

There was also the commitment to get to work early to help a struggling newcomer. The curse of responsibility would cast it's power over me again. There would be no financial gain coming my way for helping this struggling neophyte work through the stress of a new set of tasks.

And I also agreed to put some hours into a fundraiser to help a women's shelter. All of this and much more are in addition to the daily requirements of my own life.

So Why Do We Do It?

The curse of responsibility is the genuine article. It isn't a theory, nor is it a myth designed to provide justification for indifference. This curse will occupy most of the time of those upon which the burden is laid. Time spent thinking about it and acting on the duties. Why do we accept it?

I've pondered this question and I believe we accept the curse of responsibility for two reasons. Love and gratitude. Love doesn't have to be intimate or personal, but it could be so. Love can be a feeling of empathy for humanity as a whole.

For this author it is assuredly about gratitude. "There but for the grace of God go I...."

Gratitude for the gifts provided, the talents bestowed, the health to be able to assist are big reasons we accept the duty placed upon us.

I do genuinely care for my neighbor. I do genuinely want my young co-worker to succeed. And I do genuinely want to help those people who work tirelessly to support and protect battered women.

The curse of responsibility can be exhausting and lonely. Not every human follows the golden rule to do unto others as we would have done unto us. How could they ever feel any responsibility for another person?

Imagine if the roles were reversed. I go to this spot often. If I was alone would I wish someone would show up to check on me? "There but for the grace of God go I...."

The curse of responsibility is a burden. While I get tired from it I remember that sentence about the grace of God. I am eternally grateful for having it entrusted to me. I'm blessed to have such an opportunity.

We are placed on this earth to do something. We are here to leave a mark, to use our time to improve our world. Not all curses are all bad, all the time. Just like life, we get to decide if it will be good or bad.

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