Words of affirmation can have immediate and long-lasting effects on people. I'm writing this page from my own experience, having used them and received them many times. If we learn from it, experience can be a great teacher. I'll share some of my personal life history in hopes of helping everyone reading this recognize that as we wrote in our page about the power of words, what we say and how we say it can help or harm.
Part of always accepting accountability for our actions means owning up to past mistakes and vowing to get better. In our editorial room, that means sharing past wins and losses to help our readers with their own challenges and opportunities in life.
A little farther down this page we'll give you some examples of words of affirmation. Some you will probably recognize, but some of the most effective words are so simple, they might get missed. First we'll share why timing is so important.
In our page about the power of your words, we wrote about intentions. What we say is important. Of equal importance is why we say it, and as you'll read in this page, when we say it.
For instance, we might say to someone, "You shouldn't blame yourself, it isn't your fault" or "I can relate to how you're feeling." If we haven't been where they are right now, a better affirmation would be, "Is there some way I can help?"
Something I should interject right here is that young, potential leaders are very sharp and their crap meters are keen. There might be a nicer, more academic phrase, but the facts are the same. They see through false praise.
They also understand more than some realize, what they are personally going through. They might not be sure how to deal with it, but they know something isn't right. That applies to us older folks too as you will read in the section about self talk, a few paragraphs down this page.
Something I learned very early in working with high school leadership teams, is that it is important to listen well and watch carefully. In that age group there are situations many of them face that require careful thinking so we don't add to their challenges. Here is an example.
Unfortunately, eating disorders are a fact with some high school students. By paying attention, the signs of anorexia are noticeable pretty early on, which gives us a chance to help.
A natural reaction might be to offer what we believe to be glowing words of affirmation about how strong they are and how proud we are of them. That sounds like a good thing. But trust me on this one. They don't feel strong and they don't feel proud. So do we just ignore the clear signs and say nothing? Nope. There is a better way.
Give them something to work on that helps other people. We've used this technique over and over and it works every time. Put them in a position to succeed in helping someone else. Involve them with a group of their peers. Then, of all the possible words of affirmation, you can honestly use the best ones. "Good work!"
Does that seem too simple? Simple is better if it works. Anorexia and other eating disorders are symptoms, so we need to recognize that and help to solve the underlying cause.
When they hear "good work" it gives them a better feeling about themselves. And then you can follow up with the one that wasn't right before, but now is perfect. "I'm proud of you." Intentions and timing are just as important as words of affirmation.
The same is true in any personal relationship. Gary Chapman has written about the five love languages. Words of affirmation are on that list. Such words could be verbal or written. In my own life, I've had better experiences with a short, heart-felt written card. And as I wrote in our opening paragraph, I've used and received words that sounded complimentary at the wrong times with the wrong intentions. The results were always the same. Painful.
If you read our page about overcoming codependency, you read that those of us in that hell-hole are easily wounded by words, even when they are true. Even when they are well-intentioned. That is true in other situations as well. Be careful not to be overly critical or condescending.
Don't just assume that you have that perfect quote or bumper sticker logo to solve their problem. Many times the best words are, "Do you need a listening ear?"
When we don't feel good about ourselves, all the positive self talk in the world won't help us. I write this from experience. I've tried the positive phrases such as, "I can do anything I set mind to" or "If I can think it, I can do it" or " I just need to think good thoughts." All of them are probably true, but when I didn't believe in myself, I didn't believe that stuff either. My own crap meter was strong even if I was the one telling myself all that stuff.
We've included some simple, empowering self talk. None of it is preachy or over the top. Just straight forward things to think about. For myself, using the same method we described in our paragraph about working with young leaders worked well for me too. Do something to help someone in need. At the end of the day when you made a positive difference, it's okay to tell yourself, "Good work!"
Use words of affirmation as honest, caring messages to show how you feel about people. A card, a phone call, a short word of encouragement can lift up someone when they need it. It doesn't take a master wordsmith. Just good intentions. Just a desire to help, to spread some joy. Be honest, be sincere, and be ready to listen. Not to solve unless asked, but just to listen. Your kind, genuine words might be exactly what someone needs at that moment.
Try some of these words with a smile and see the positive power of words. There are some words of affirmation that are just for personal relationships, some other ones for work or associations, and some for ourselves in effective self talk.
"It's good to see you"
"Good work"
"I'm proud of you"
"You are the right person for this role"
"Your enthusiasm is contagious"
"I believe in you"
"We are a better team when you are involved"
"You inspire me to try harder
"I can't possibly know how you feel, so I can't tell you how you should feel. But I'm here if you need help."
"You are one of my favorite people"
"I'm grateful to know you"
"Thank you for helping"
"Your support means so much to me"
"I'll do one thing every day to get better"
"I won't listen to the noise that drains my energy"
"I'm detaching myself from all the negative"
"I'm worthy of success"
"I'm learning from my past, but not dwelling on those failures"
"I have everything I need within myself to overcome and grow"
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