Get Past Your Own Fear of Failure By Learning From My Mistakes

"I know this to be true. You are holding yourself back by fear. You are denying yourself a big part of the joy of life. Life is about doing, not merely existing. I know this because I lived it for too long. You don't have to make that mistake."

My fellow editors asked me to write a first person story about the fear of failure. "Goaded" or "prodded" might be more descriptive words than "asked." They concluded that since I was an expert on both fear and failure, who better to offer advice?

They did insist on certain rules. No charts, no lists, no graphs. For a type "C" personality person, that is not much different than taking the chainsaw and ax out of a logger's hands. But I do get their point. Not everyone relates to details and lists. They suggested a conversation on paper, or in this case on this web page, written directly from the heart of someone who has failed many times and lived with various forms of fear for years.

So we'll try it their way. I'll try to match the feeling and honesty of my fellow editor who wrote openly about a personal battle to stop being codependent.

Failure Synonyms

I would love to put a container block in the next paragraph with a list of words commonly thought to be synonyms of failure. But I promised, no lists! I will include this link for any similar personalities who like to do research and compile lists. But I'll also put in the disclaimer that I have come to realize after years of being held back by a fear of failure, that a better understanding of other words for failure will get you past any fear.

Hopefully my story will change your perception of any fear of failure as I offer some more accurate words to associate with the word, "failure." I know this to be true. You are holding yourself back by fear. You are denying yourself a big part of the joy of life. Life is about doing, not merely existing. I know this because I lived it for too long. You don't have to make that mistake.

Now I associate failure with process, pathway, parameter, checkpoint, and success. Do you see what I did? Not really a list, but rather, just a sentence. (There were eye rolls in the editorial room reading review with that line, but also a few grins!)

My Story of The Fear of Failure

In this page, you read about how I had to learn some leadership skills before launching a business idea. There were other ideas, lots of storyboards, and mountains of research. There were pages of planning.

And no results. Fear took over. "What if I fail? What if everyone hates the idea? What if I become a laughingstock? What if I'm just not good enough to pull it off? What if I never recover from it?"

It's amazing what the human mind can conjure up with no evidence of facts. You've probably heard the acrostic for fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.

So many opportunities lost. Not just lost. Never even attempted. I was afraid to speak up even when I knew the answer. I was afraid to call out dishonesty, even when I knew the truth. But my biggest fear was fear of failure. What would people think if I failed? How could I face people if I failed? Would they even want to be around me, after all, who wants to hang around with a complete failure?

Then something happened. I met someone who would go on to become one of the editors of this website. Someone whose personality was so different from my own. Those same questions had new answers. Would people laugh at me? "Maybe. So what?"  What if I never recovered? "Get over yourself. It isn't that big a deal."

Then the big epiphany. Would they want to be around me if I failed? "Yes if they wanted to succeed. You discovered what not to do because it didn't take you to success. Now you won't repeat the same mistake." This person who would become part of this team later on looked at ideas as something to always try. Instead of wondering what could go wrong, the internal question was always, "How great will this be when it works?"

When the plan didn't always fully work out, usually because a couple things weren't considered, it wasn't a wash out. Just a tweak in the process. That is where a little research comes in handy. Failure is part of the process of success.

Failure tells us how to course correct our plans. The idea is still good. We just need to clean up some missteps and refine our direction. Most of all, failure toughens us up to not be as afraid.

I was an expert on fear and on failure. I am overly qualified to write this page about the fear of failure because I specialized in both for years. I'll never tell someone to not ever be afraid. I still have some fears. Not nearly as many and never about fear of failure.

Now I realize that failure is part of success. A necessary part. We don't have to like that fact, but here is the good news. We don't have to like it, we just have to do it. Go forward boldly with your ideas, your dreams, and your vision. You will certainly fail at some point. I hope you do fail. Because I know that failure is merely a checkpoint to allow you to do even greater things.

If you are afraid to try something, do it anyway. If you fail, so what? You discovered something that won't work and can move forward to something that will succeed. You are a step closer to awesome achievement.

Who knows, maybe one of your great ideas could change our world? Maybe one of your great thoughts could lift up another person and maybe even save a life?

I know this. If you don't try, it is certain nothing will happen. But what if you try and what if it works? Maybe spend a couple minutes listening to another viewpoint in the video, just below.

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