A Fellow Resident in the Life of Codependency

by Marsha
(USA)

"Thank you for sharing your experiences as a codependent person. As a fellow resident in this life that used to seem like a hell-hole, I'm glad to hear from another one of us. We don't read too much about how to stop being codependent. Probably because we don't admit it to very many people. And those who are spared from this life don't know about it.

I also read the book you promoted. It was helpful. During the lowest point in my codependent life, I wasn't all that spiritual, so parts of it made me a little angry. Maybe that was the point, or maybe that illustrated how much I was in denial.

It looks like your own experience was a little like mine. I thought I had gotten out of a stifling codependent relationship, only to jump right back into another one. I think the part in your story about the intentional run-on sentence could have been my life story.

I'll close with two points. If you are in a codependent relationship, get to a meeting of other people who are also stuck in the same spot. That column posted a good link to find a meeting. Going to a meeting is okay. You won't be forced to speak. You can just sit and listen unless you want to share. I didn't say anything for a long time.

Just being around people who know how you are feeling every day helps. It helps with getting up and facing another excruciating day of having to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. That is how we think, even when it isn't true. Other people who have gone through this will help you get through it. Your column is a good example. I hope it reaches a lot of people because there are a lot of us out there, desperately looking for a way out.

My second point is this. If you are lucky enough to not be in a codependent situation, please don't judge us too harshly. Yes, it is our own fault for getting sucked into our predicament. But if you haven't walked a mile in our shoes, you don't know the feelings.

"There but for the grace of God..." Maybe I am a little more spiritual now. I see the light of a better life in front of me. I have a friend who has battled alcoholism for years. Getting over it is a daily commitment. The same is true for us.

Thank you for sharing your story and for providing me a chance to help too. Keep up the good work!"

Something to Think About

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily."

Zig Ziglar